Opening...

monday, january

I don't know what wrong with me! I started crying today in the middle of talking to Loren for no reason, but I just felt so horrible after that. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I hate it. I wonder if anyone even cares enough to read my blog. I know I wouldn't. Who am I trying to compare too, anyway? I'm no perfect, pretty writer everyone wants me to be, nor expects me too. I'm setting up myself up to fall.

sunday, january

You know what? I’ve become so busy I’m really, really lonely. I’m missing something, but I’m not sure what. It’s sad, in a dettached sort of way that makes me wish I knew what it was, because I need to fix it. It could be my art... I haven’t drawn for a real moment in a long while, or it could be the fact that my life is drama at this point... Or maybe it’s even something having to do with not having very many people to really talk to anymore. Because, in reality, I never did have that good of friends at school so there’s no difference there and my weird schedule has me barely catching Loren, RP nearing end or not.

I think I'm finally realizing a harsh truth. Though I may love them to death, no painting nor picture can ever be there to be my confidante. I've devoted all of my love, passion, emotion, everything to people who weren't even there in the first place and now that I actually realize what I've been doing, I'm suffering from the reprocussions. But I know I can't change that. I may not be able to reach out and touch them, but they will always be there. Always. And I'll never stop loving my illusions. Maybe I'm too afraid too make them real in the first place.

Maybe teen angst really is effecting me. XP I was always so sure it wouldn’t. Damn teen angst. Could really use that best friend right about now, though.

I went to the Dallas Art Museum on Friday and fell in love with Abbott Thayer’s Angel. I don’t know why, exactly, but I felt like I knew her somehow. Supposably he painted it after two of his childrens' deaths and ‘captured complete and blissful innocence’ so says the little plaque beside it. She looked so sad.

It finally snowed, too. So beautiful, even if it was just a little bit. The whole street was painted white.

monday, december

I am Yami Bakura. Basically, I'm an evil, homicidal megalomaniac who somehow can't shake off the opposite sex. (Just what they see in me, I don't know.:)) I'm hot for power and will pursue any goal I set with dogged determination. Which Yu-Gi-Oh! character are you?  Find out!

.... i didn't even rig the questions and i still got him... *twitch* i can't decide if i should go 'yay' for getting him or be absolutely horrified that i'm technically thought of as a cold-hearted... n.n; i'm not! honestly! *pokes tests* you liiiieee! i'm like.. katsuya or maybe even ryou, but i am not yami... o__O;;

oh well, guess i'm a psycho, yami bakura.. :P ... hehehe.. you realize this means you must be my aibou, lorlea. XD XD ~ !!

finally heard ZAN! *amaze, amaze* that song is the damn coolest thing since sliced bread.. XD XD it's so twisted and hilarious at the same time! kyo's laughter is adorable and it's with this mp3 i shall rule over both adam and anthony! hehehe! they'll freak out! though the ending bit is a little weird.. it's as if he's trying to rhyme little syllables or something. must say, very, very yami. either that or i just severely have yuugiou on the brain, which i wouldn't doubt. i know i haven't been the best of rpers lately, running out of good scene ideas, but i'm sure that'll all change when we get to seto's christmas party... i wonder if i'm being a bit too melodramatic with ryou's situation. i keep feeling like i've already overdone it so it's starting to seem severely amateur....

saw lord of the rings. they killed haldir. i had to leave the theater so i could breath correctly, i was so mad. i hate peter jackson. that didn't even happen in the book. ><;;; meghann had to come out and coax me back in because she claimed frodo was calling sam 'my sam.' but i still left cursing. damn you, jackson. i can't imagine how the other haldir fans must be burning voodoo dolls of you.

:) :) :) .. on a happier note! i can draw remotely well! i drew something today and actually liked it! i'm amazed!

monday, december

mmmm.. god is the man who invented peanut butter m&ms.

hehehe, i spent all of today thinking of ways to make ryou evil, not to mention zoning out in all my classes. this is the last week (bleeehhh.. exams) till winter break, so i'm pretty much scott free come friday! amazingly so, i'll only have to deal with my own private hell i have created for myself in biology for only so much longer and i may finally be able to push garet off the bleachers for peeking into the girls bathroom. heavens know what i'll do about my grade in that class, but i can only hope that what i tried to do and my teachers graces will come into play. otherwise, i might find myself in a not so happy situation. n.n;; i know it's my own fault, but i really think my hope rides on the christmas spirit of things. mr. shape has shown kindness before,. let's just hope he can again.

you know, i'm actually happy about my other classes. i did run into catie today, though... in reference, catie is the girl i've been avoid for the last week. not meaning to be mean, but out of lack of things to say. ever since she asked me out i've felt so bad so today i told her what i finally decided. she and i have been friends for far too long, and while i love her to itty bittty pieces, i don't want to ruin that. she didn't look too horribly upset by it, which made me feel a lot better and we're going to see lord of the rings together friday.

make resolutions, it's a new year soon.

loreeeeennnnn~ can i make a request? XD since we've pulled haga and ryuuzaki in, i can get something too, riigghhtt? XD XD XD it's small, actually, but... can we have it snow? i love snow, and since we don't get it in texas, it'd be fun to have it in the rpg...

saturday, december

it's too cold...! i'm tired of being cold. it takes three sweaters and a robe to get me even remotely warm ever since our heater broke and we're in texas, ladies and gents.

*grumbles*

oh, and yep, new layout. ^^; me just being my easily bored self, so i thought we ought to have a bit of a scenery change -- woah to the major mood change! but the picture was just far too awesome to pass up! blood... yami bakura... *drools* you can see the full picture and find due credit here. i think yami looks rather fetching in blood, actually! XD XD XD

christmas season came faster then i expected. o.o; it seems just yesterday i was starting my first day at the new school and all of a sudden -- WHAM! it's almost next semester! *sigh* i can't seem to decide if that's a good thing or bad thing. on one hand, no more chemistry or el diabla ... and on the other, algebra II and no more adam or anthony how boring can that be? no one can call me mentos ho anymore!

shakira .... *shudder* ... keeps striking me repeatedly with eyes like yours. damn hip swinging bleach blonde woman! i hear your fucking lyrics! i see the connection! sssssshhhhh! i don't want too!!! now leave me alllooonneeee~ n.n;;;*sweatdrops*

Oh, you know I have seen
A sky without sun
A men with no nation
Saints captive in chains
A song with no name
For lack of imagination

Ya he ya he ya la he
And I have seen
Darker than ebony
Ya he ya he ya la he
You know it seems that I
Without your eyes could never be

My one desire
All I aspire is in your eyes
Forever to live
Travelled all over
Crossed lands and oceans
There's nothing
That I wouldn't give

Came from Bahrein
Got to Beirut
Looking for someone
Comparing to you
Tearing down
Windows and doors
And I could not find eyes like yours

Rabboussamai fikarrajaii
Fi ainaiha aralhayati
Ati ilaika min haza lkaaouni
Arjouka labbi labbi nidai

Came from bahrein
Got to beirut
Looking for someone
Comparing to you
Tearing down
Windows and doors
And I could not
Find eyes like yours

Oh, you know i have seen
A woman of means and rags
And begging for pleasure
Crossed a river of salt
The specter i rode
The ship that sunk
In the desert

Ya he ya he ya la he
And I have seen
Darker than ebony
Ya he ya he ya la he
You know it seems that i
Without your eyes
Could never be

My one desire
All I aspire is in your eyes
Forever to live
Travelled all over
Crossed lands and oceans
There's nothing
That I wouldn't give

rabboussamai fikarrajaii
Fi ainaiha aralhayati
Ati ilaika min haza lkaaouni
Arjouka labbi labbi nidai

Came from Bahrein
Got to Beirut
Looking for someone
Comparing to you
Tearing down
Windows and doors
And I could not
Find eyes like yours

Rabboussamai fikarrajaii
Fi ainaiha aralhayati
Ati ilaika min haza lkaaouni
Arjouka labbi labbi nidai

Looking for someone
Comparing to you
Tearing down
Windows and doors
And I could not
Find eyes like yours...

not only that, but it's... egyptian-y too. gr.